


The Fallen | Naruto Fanfiction

by JO (Shizusasori9)



Category: Naruto
Genre: Anime, Konoha - Freeform, M/M, Manga, Ninja, Uchiha, naruto - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-15
Updated: 2018-11-14
Packaged: 2019-08-23 21:02:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,810
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16626386
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shizusasori9/pseuds/JO
Summary: This is the story of a fallen man who could see everything.And a fallen man who could see nothing."私たちの最大の栄光は決して落ちることではなく、落ちないように上昇することです""Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but rising as if we never fell."





	1. 【序幕】

**Author's Note:**

> Written and Idea-d by @Just_Call_Me_Jo.  
> Co-written and saved from turning into a meme show (and so much more) by @santidot.

*** * * ***

"私たちの最大の栄光は決して落ちることではなく、落ちないように上昇することです"

"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but rising as if we never fell."

*** * * ***

His life was a painful and distorted dream that stretched out over the span of twenty four years.

It didn't start well. It didn't go well. And it didn't end well.

So many failures on his part; time after time, he tried again and again, only to fail each time at everything he did in that life.

He loved, at one point - but he must not have loved them enough, because they left, leaving his heart shattered.

Life himself laughed at the man, stomping on the last shards of his heart as death took away what remained of his loved ones. He didn't have time to mourn, in a steady routine of classes, work, homework, classes, work, homework.

Grief instead gnawed away at him as a sat his exams, boring into his brain and interfering with his thoughts. It set down his pen, and ruined everything.

The man grew older still, into an office job with no one that he talked to. Each day he would enter the office, sit at his computer and work until midnight, where he would then exit the building, smoke, then leave and marinate in his own depression.

Each day his mind grew number and number.   
He dulled to a darker grey, stuck in a routine that he couldn't get out of. He banged his head on the wall in the toilets, wondering where he had gone wrong, what he could've done, and finally realising that he was going insane.

Age twenty four.

His birthday, October 19th.

He was smoking alone on top of his office building, looking out into the lights and cars that lit the streets like glowing rivers, street lamps accompanying the cacophony of brightness. Small squares of light stood out in the shadowy apartment blocks, some cold, some warm. The starless sky was dark, being twelve am, and the clouds barely stood out, covering the moon, though its light still seemed to tinge the entire city a pale blue.

Smoke curled up in a plume as he exhaled.

It wasn't working.

He had started smoking in hopes that he would die sooner. A subtle and quiet way to die, silently choking on his own fumes.

But it was taking too long. At this rate, he would go insane in this office before he died.

There was no point, no plot to his life. Waves of bad things happened to him when he was younger, ruining his future and washing it out to sea on a river. An onslaught of waves, that smashed into him over and over again, left him choking on responsibilities, deadlines, losses and heartbreaks, and at last, a mind numbing routine.

He didn't want to pretend anymore. Laughing with co-workers, going out to bars and getting wasted with splitting headaches in the morning, and last of all, pretending that he was okay with what his life was. 

He wanted to escape.

But he couldn't.

The job was his only source of money that he could get - without it, he would be dead. His co-workers asked him out to the bar every Friday, dragging him along despite his protests. Breaks consisted of him making jokes for everyone but him to laugh to.

But there was still a way for him to be free.

The lights glowed ever brighter as he flicked his cigarette off the building, hoisting himself up onto the concrete ledge, shoes tapping silently.

The view was beautiful. He felt his tie and suit flitting slightly in the wind, dark hair tickling his cheek.

Preparing to jump into the blue-ish light of the city.

But for some reason, he found myself turning around. Facing backwards to the empty roof of the skyscraper, as if he expected someone to be there.

Someone he once knew, a friend, maybe.

Of course, there was no one.

He didn't know why he supposed otherwise.

The man's arms stayed rigidly by his sides, for he had no intention of flying. A deep breath, and he leaned back into the arms of nobody.

But as he fell, as his body tilted back and his face watched the sky, as his feet left the ground and his hair lay suspended in the air, he thought he heard someone.

A desperate shout of a name, strangled, urgent.

Flashing across the man's memory.

But then it vanished, as if it was never there.

*** * * ***

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't kill yourself, guys.  
> You're important. Really important. And strong. So amazingly strong.
> 
> If you tough it out, things will work out in the end.
> 
> (hope you all had your subtitles on for the song btw, the translation of the lyrics is pretty lit and fitting)
> 
> Jo   
> Out


	2. 1 - He Just Fell

*** * * ***

He fell.

He fell through the air, until it felt like he was weightless, his consciousness fading bit by bit.

He watched the night sky, the moon, the littered stars. Only the brightest stars could be seen in the hazy city lights, which blurred past as he began to tilt back, hurtling head first towards the ground. 

His perception of time suddenly malfunctioned and everything seemed to be going slowly - he could see each star, each lit up window, each car on the street. The man's mind was going hazy, vision distorting and tie flapping in the wind. His entire centre of gravity had altered - it felt as if his insides were being left behind and he felt sick - but it was going to be over in a matter of seconds, he thought to himself.

Black. 

It was said that most survivors of jumps had said they regretted it. In the time that they fell, they realised that there was so much to live for, so many people they had to meet, to see, so many friends that they wanted to see again. 

This man knew that he would not survive, and he didn't regret a single thing. He had no friends to speak of, no motivation, only the strict routine of life that had been set out for him for the rest of his life. 

He would do things over and over again, for every single day of his life and it was driving him mad. And for some reason he felt as if he had been missing something, some _one_ for his entire life, but he couldn't quite lay his finger on what or who it was. He felt like he should've been doing something more; something to help. Trying to  _solve_ something. Or was it to  _save_ something?

But that hadn't happened, and it was too late to think about those things anyway. 

There was no other way to escape than death.

Blissful release - the man didn't believe in an afterlife, reincarnation, no religion to speak of. He expected darkness, not even an awareness. And he felt that even that would be better than living like this, over and over again. 

Everything went black, his sight escaping him, but he could feel that he was still falling - the beeping of cars sounding like klaxons and the sound of a shrill screaming, probably from a poor onlooker - but that had morphed into the sound of a rushing river and a thundering waterfall, accompanied by the only sound that had stayed - the wind whistling furiously in his ears. 

The man guessed they were just last minute hallucinations. It was calming, hearing the river beneath and a roar of water. If he could fool himself that he would meet a watery death and not a cold hard pavement, that would be a kind delusion.

And then he felt it.

He literally felt  _water_.

The man hit the water with a stinging splash, his body plummeting deeper and his mind shocking itself awake with the cold. His entire body ached, no, burned from the splash, and he tried to open his eyes - but everything was still dark. He could hear a mass of bubbles, rushing water, flurries between the air and the river as he tried to process exactly what the fuck was happening.

The man had jumped from a building in Tokyo central, in a bid to escape the endless routine that was his life.

He wanted to die.

He had fallen, down towards the earth, pulled in by gravity and the temptation of death. 

So why was he in a river now?

Water forced itself down his throat as it took him away in its deep current, and he had the breath knocked out of him as he hit what he presumed was a rock - probably more internal bleeding. Pain all over his body, his lungs, his insides, his bones, everything  _throbbed_ , for want of a better word.

A mess of waves, water, a line between drowning and living that was the surface of the water. Sinking, swimming, it was as if the current itself couldn't even make a decision for him as to whether he should continue to live or die like he wanted to. It was almost as if the water was toying with him, flinging him around as if he was a ragdoll before sweeping for the kill. 

He was exhausted. It was painful. But in the end, it didn't matter how he died, or how odd the situation was - as long as he did pass on. Because he just wanted to end it. Whether it be by collision or drowning, fire or stabbing, it would work.

As long as he could escape.

More and more water, a sudden thud of dull pain to his head, and he stopped thinking.

*** * * ***

"Well, would you look what the cat dragged in!"

"Koji, this is serious." 

"Haruka, what the hell did I tell you about bringing kids home?"

"Not to, but Koji, this is an emergency! He needs help, fast!"

"It can't be that bad. Kids tend to play a little upstream, this one probably just leaned to far, swallowed a bit too much water and passed out." 

"For fucks sake, Koji, just turn around and take a look at the damn kid!"

"...H-Holy shit."

"He has no  _eyes,_  Koji. No eyes! I had to drag him out of the river, he's bleeding from his head as well as a few other million places, and I'm really sure that he's broken many bones, he probably fell from the ravine part of Naka!"

Clinking and rustling ensued, hurried footsteps tapping on wooden floors, ripping sounds of bandages.

A smell of old Chinese medicine, dried mushrooms and grasses.

He had consciousness that faded in and out as pain washed over him in excruciating waves. But he was too tired to do anything but lie wherever he was, silently standing through the pain.

"Fell? From the ravine? Jesus..."

"But his eyes, Koji. Look, there's  _nothing_  there. It's just... like someone gouged them out. Oh god, I think I'm going to be sick."

"Who the fuck would do this? Who  _the fuck_ would  _do_  this?!"

"Ninja, Koji! Of course it's a ninja, it's always a ninja!" The exasperated voice shouted. It was rather gritty, as if someone had given it a short rub with sand paper. "Only a ninja would do this! His eyes have been gouged out, the poor kid.."

"They make me sick. Running into missions, killing whoever the hell they want, gouging their eyes out... and then if they get hurt, they expect medic nin to magically fix them up so they can get back to killing." This man's voice was steady and reliable - but it seemed to be shaking slightly. "It's disgusting, and I hate them. Every last one of them, no person should be allowed to do this to another."

"Sh, Koji, they're not all like that. This kid can't just be an ordinary civilian, he's a ninja as well - see, there's a tanto blade on his back. "

"This kid? That makes everything worse." Koji muttered under his breath. "Sixteen or so, by the looks of it. _Sixteen_. Gets his eyes gouged out, falls god knows how many feet into the ravine... Jesus christ, hits the water, breaks... many bones, hits head on rock, breaks a rib to boot..."

Haru sucked in his breath.

"Was he pushed? Did he slip..? Or did he... jump?"

"...I suppose he just... fell **."**

*** * * ***

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well thats dusted lmao justa draft before bed
> 
> I like this story it's goNNNA BE AWESOMEMEMEE  
> SO MUCH MUCH MCIH CREDIT TO santidot becUASE YOU RULE DUDE WOTHOHT YOU ID BE DRAWING A BLANK A
> 
>  
> 
> Ynedjted
> 
> LREAY HECC.   
> ANYWAY
> 
> Vote  
> COMM  
> MMMM ENT if yOU WANAN SEEEEEE MOOOOORE
> 
> JOUT


	3. 2 - Senji

*** * * ***

A boy had fallen from the sky. 

That was the conclusion that the couple had come to; he had fallen from the sky into the River of Southern Joy and washed downstream into their lives. 

He was bruised, battered, and had countless broken bones. His skin was a battlefield of injuries, and his eyes were missing, to be prompt. When Koji gently tried to peel open his eyelids and his , all that greeted him were dark sockets of blood. His head injury had started bleeding again, leaking down his forehead and over his eye lids. 

Many bandages were used. The boy's legs were set in splints, his torso was awash with bandages. His eyes were covered, linen changed every hours because blood always started leaking down his cheeks, staining the bandages like scarlet tears. A piece of gauze had been taped to his forehead, but despite all these patch ups, his blood still stained the bed he lay on. 

Talking around the house had been hushed for weeks, trying not to wake up the comatose visitor. 

Until one day, he tried to open his eyes. 

*** * * ***

  
There was yelling coming from their spare room. 

Haruka dropped the jar of dried bones he was handling, startled, but Koji swept his papers aside and bounded over stacks of books and medicines scattered over the floor, swinging the door open. 

Their guest was decidedly awake. 

He had his hands over where his eyes once were, covered in bandages. The man - no, this boy had sat up, and there was a cold sheen of sweat over his body. Curly black hair had fallen over where his pearly white bandages, brushing his nose, and he was biting his lips in a bid not to scream anymore, shoulders, his entire body shaking with tremors.

"Hey, hey..." Koji kneeled on the bed, putting his hands on their shoulders. He started at the sudden contact, and bit his lip even more. It was bleeding. "It's okay. We've got you, and you're safe."

"I-I can't see."

"You can't." 

"My eyes hurt." The boy's voice quivered, as if he was going to let out another yell. "I don't know where I am. I fell from a building. I was meant to hit the ground. Why water? Where am I? W-Why am I still here?" 

"First of all, I'm going to need you to calm down and lie back again. Shut your eyes, don't try and open them." Koji said firmly, pushing him down a little. "Don't strain yourself either, you have a few stitches. Second of all, we're in the Land of Fire, a little way from Konoha. My name is Koji, and I used to be a medic. Me and my husband took you in, we found you floating down Naka River."

"...That doesn't make sense."

"What do you mean?"

"I-I'm not from here, I jumped from a sky scraper in Tokyo!" His breaths quickened, short and sharp. Koji kept his hands on Senji's shoulders, in case he decided to flail his arms and rip open his stitches. "I could see! And I wanted to die... am I dead?"

"No, you're alive. What's your name?"

"...I-I don't know my name." 

"That's fine. We'll call you.... Senji, for now. Are you a ninja? We found a tanto blade on your back, your head band must have washed away in the current."

'Senji' laughed shakily at what he presumed was a joke, despite the utterly serious tone he could hear through the darkness. 

"No, I'm not a ninja. There's no way, ninja were around back in the fifteenth century."

"...How does your head feel?" 

"I don't know, everything hurts. Especially my eyes. A-Am I blind?"

"Yes. Senji, are you sure that you don't remember anything that might have led up to you falling into Naka River?"

"I fell in a city, from a sky scraper. I was meant to land on the ground and die, but I fell into water instead." Senji bit his lip, shaking. "I don't know where I am, what my name was, I don't even know  _when_ I am, nor who you are. I can't see... whether it's day or night. I-I can't even cry without feeling a burning pain."

Koji rested his hand over Senji's forehead.

"You'll get through this. Why did you jump? Can you remember that?"

"...I can... I jumped...because I wanted to escape."

*** * * ***

"He might be from Amegakure. He said he jumped from a sky scraper." Haru was leaning forwards on the counter, inches away from knocking over another jar. Wide eyed, the fisherman was filled with conspiracy theories that he thought up about the hot blind ninja kid while eavesdropping.

"But that doesn't make sense, Haru." Koji pushed back his shaggy brown hair, falling back in to a chair with an exasperated sigh. "Amegakure is miles and miles west, and Naka River flows down from Konoha. He was definitely a Konoha ninja, no civilian can be as ripped as that. His chakra coils are ridiculously well developed as well, especially the receptors behind his eyes - he probably had an occular dojutsu."

"Are you implying what I think you are, Koji?"

"Probably. Do you think that we have an Uchiha on our hands? The eyes would make more sense, then."

"...Yeah. Wasn't the clan... massacred... a few days ago? By... Uchiha Itachi?" Haru's voice was hushed, his dark eyes filled with both concern and puzzlement.

"Senji fell last month. He escaped - it's possible that he knew the massacre was going to happen, he said he wanted to escape, didn't specify what. He probably has head trauma as well - I suppose thats all we can put down for his issue with falling from a sky scraper."

"How is he?"

"Stable. Obviously can't see, but all other injuries are doing fine and will heal over time. I'm worried about his head though, he seems to have forgotten about being a ninja, or even why he jumped from Naka, just making things up about sky scrapers."

"Will he be okay?"

"He won't be a ninja again, thank God for that. Someone who's blind wouldn't be accepted back into the program, let alone with a concussion. He doesn't know what chakra is, hell, he doesn't know anything except for Japanese." Koji muttered under his breath. "Must be hell for him. Confused, blind..."

Haru sighed.

"Poor kid. We're not sending him back to the leaf."

"Far from it." Koji nodded. "He wouldn't manage a second on his own. And the Uchiha are meant to be dead. All that would trigger would be questioning."

"We can keep him?" Haru's eyes sparkled a little, the tall thirty three year old sitting like a three year old with his hands clasped together, leaning over the messy table of papers and brown paper packages of medicine with suggestive ingredients spilling out.

"Good God, Haru, you look like a toddler with the promise of a puppy." Koji snorted, reaching up to scruff up his husband's hair with a grin. "We'll help the Uchiha kid."

"We're not calling him Uchiha Senji, are we?"

"No, he'll be Taoreta. Not being an Uchiha would be best for him."

"Taoreta Senji!" Haru grinned. "Sounds good. We'll take him in, he doesn't have a say in it."

There was a short silence filled only by the sound of cicadas outside.

"...I don't suppose this is the standard way of adopting kids."

"...No, probably not."

*** * * ***

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> filler before walking montage lmao man I like this fanfic so MUCHCHHDUIAHIEfgwlkbwlsydbwilrugbwrfgsdbjhwfbhd
> 
> alright
> 
> VOTE  
> COMMMMMENT IF TOU WANNA SEE MORE  
> JO   
> OUT


	4. 3 - Walking and Changes

* * * *

A few weeks had passed again. 

Senji didn't do much other than sleep. He talked to Koji and Haru a lot, when he was awake, ate, and was taught how to stumble to the toilet himself with an insane amount of physiotherapy on this strange, strange body. 

One day, they had a conversation which was a little more than the usual 'you okay' and 'anything you need's. 

"You're now under our custody." 

Senji would have blinked if it didn't feel like his eyes were being set on fire.

"You've arrested me?"

"No, we've adopted you." 

"...I'm twenty four." 

"That's fine, I'm thirty nine. And you look sixteen, so I'm calling bullshit."

"Well I don't know what I look like, do I? Even if you held up a mirror in front of my face, I'm blind. I literally have no eyes. All I know is that I fell into a river of a shinobi universe and that I'm blind and haven't moved from this bed for over a month. Do you know the amount of trust that I'm putting into you both, right now?"

"You're going to need more of it." There was the sound of a tired and rather melodramatic sigh. "Being blind is difficult - you'll have to trust everyone around you that they aren't lying."

Senji felt a weight on his lap.

"It's a tray. There's a bowl of porridge on it. Spoon's to your left."

Senji reached to the left. 

There was nothing there. 

"...Nice, playing tricks on the blind. You must be real fun at parties." 

"But that's how it's going to be. You said you wanted to escape, right?" The bed creaked a little as there was the sound of material rubbing together - Koji crossing his legs, Senji guessed. "Well, you've escaped whatever you were running from. At the cost of your eyes, but you're here. And you expect people to be honest and nice? This is a world of ninja, kid. Trust isn't going to be very available." 

"And you tell me this... after telling me that I'd need more trust?" Senji frowned, but stopped because it felt like his head was splitting open. "I don't have any eyes, and you think I need a lesson on not trusting others? You really like to contradict your own statement." 

"That was a lie in itself. You're an amnesiac. You don't remember anything. I don't know who you were before this incident, Senji, but right now, you're blind and you know nothing. To survive comfortably, you're going to have to almost be a human lie detector and trust no one. That, or stay inside this house all day." 

"Not even you and Haru?" 

"We're exceptions." 

"...Were you a mental health worker or something before?" 

"No, I was a medic nin. Mental health was not my area of expertise." 

"No shit." 

There was a silence, and for a second Senji thought that Koji had gone. 

"So you going to eat the porridge?"

"You haven't given me a spoon." 

"I never said I didn't give you a spoon. I just lied about it being on the left side." 

Senji reached to the right. 

There was a spoon. 

"... Is this also meant to be some sort of philosophical lesson?"

"What? No, I just thought I'd fool with you and lecture you about it." 

*** * * ***

They started trying to get Senji walking properly the next week. 

Despite the chat about 'don't trust anyone', when you're blind, Senji could see why you wouldn't have much of a choice. Each step you take, each movement, you have to trust the person guiding you completely. Especially when they're supporting you as well as guiding you. 

His legs didn't want to work. 

It was a good thing Koji had done physio for his legs, or else he would be having even more of an issue than what he currently had.  Haru was the one helping him along, given that Koji was about 154 cm high and Senji was around 180. 

It was legitimately exhausting.

But on a side note, Senji could feel that there were things that were very different about his body after his first couple steps with Haru.

The entire thing felt foreign - he felt taller, for a start. His hair was curly and long, and his nose was a little broader than the snub one he remembered. His jawline felt a little more defined, and he had definitely gained way more muscle mass. 

It was really strange. He had been an asthmatic before he jumped, years of lung problems - but now he felt like he could run 100 miles without stopping. Energy coursed through his body, and he felt strangely good for someone who had reportedly fallen 180 feet into a river last month. But though it felt foreign, it also felt familiar, for some reason - painfully familiar. 

But back to the main topic of how neat this body was, it was evident that even the strongest man on earth could not escape from atrophy of staying in bed for a month. The sheer effort it took to keep the muscles in his legs working for more than just a minute to get to the toilet was exhausting, and after three steps, Senji decided it was time for a nap and managed to bring Haru down with him with a flump. 

*** * * ***

Senji was taking a break on the sofa, amongst the papers and jars that he had knocked over countless times. A walking stick was clutched in his left hand, light and hollow, used to tap against the ground in a steady click click click. 

It had taken ages. 

Ages to figure out the knack to clicking a stick around the house, and ages before that to work out how to walk. While this had all been happening, Haru had taught him the history of this world, trying to jog his memory on who he was before. But all he stubbornly remembered was his life as an office worker in Tokyo, which was ironically the one thing he was trying to forget. 

Turns out that this literally was the world of Shinobi. They lived in the Land of Fire, but thee were many others as well. Haru had traced the map onto Senji's hand, giving him a rough idea of where the largest lands were. 

Konohagakure was the one they lived near. The political system in this place was fairly simple - there were Kages, which were the people in charge of the ninja in their land, and Daimyo, who were in charge of pretty much everything else political. Some 'hidden villages' had issues with each other, so Haru just said that things were shit and moved on to history, which was long winded. 

Koji talked to him about Chakra. energy, basically, this 'magical thing' flowed through everyone, but was stronger in others. These people would be sent to ninja school and be trained into being ninja. There was something about the 'origin of chakra', which he slept through, and tailed beasts, but that wasn't so important.

What was important was the fact that Koji suspected that Senji was a ninja. Koji had said it matter of factedly, talking about how his chakra supply was insanely high and his chakra coils were well used and fluid. Not to mention the fact that he had a ridiculous amount of muscle for an ordinary civilian. 

Senji shifted awkwardly at this. 

But they simply moved on again. Because Senji didn't remember any of it. For all he knew, he could've been a prostitute with all the information  _he_ had. 

Koji had no intention of teaching him to use chakra, and Haru was an ordinary fisherman. 

Koji didn't want to teach him because he knew of the stories. Ninja who had lost their sight used chakra instead to help them track and kill others, just and lethal and deadly as those who had not lost anything of their own. Koji wasn't risking remaking a murderer. In fact, he didn't have an issue with Senji staying an 'amnesiac' if it meant that people stayed safe.

Koji taught Senji the standard information and left it there. 

  
*** * * ***

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> introductory chapters lmao we'll take this slow
> 
> vote if you wanna see more
> 
> COMMENT IF YOU WANNA SEE JO HAPY 
> 
> first draft will refine 
> 
>  
> 
> JO OUT


	5. 4 - Medicines

* * * *

Senji felt a little light headed, and was sitting on the door step with his head between his legs. 

He had been spending the morning smelling strange ingredients of Koji's medicines at his pharmacy - which was actually the front room of the house (they lived in a small but rather busy village)- and trying to put them together. In his defence, it hadn't been going too badly until now. In fact, not a single strange smelling medicine had been put in the wrong section, and Koji was quite proud of his newly adopted son - not that he'd say so, but he was.

It turned out that Senji had an exceptional memory that lost no details, able to remember countless plants, herbs, fruits, bones, their scents and their properties, as well as how to administer them and where they were located on the cluttered but organised shelves. 

Haru had wanted to take him fishing in Naka river, but Koji decided that that was a terrible idea, so Senji had been going to the pharmacy everyday for the past month, learning about the various drugs. And he told them apart... with his sense of smell.  

It had been a long time since Senji was pulled out of the river. He had spent a couple months in bed, one being awake, one being comatose. He spent another month and a half regaining the use of his legs and figuring how to manage with his walking stick. And he had spent the last three months learning the theory of medicine off Koji, who seemed determined for Senji to take over, and the last three weeks had consisted of Senji smelling things.

And that was around seven and a bit months. 

Over half a year. 

Senji had been here for over half a year. 

It was a little difficult to process. Senji had no sense of tine, not being able to see the sun nor the moon, let alone a clock. He went off what his fathers told him, learning and going through each day blind. 

Koji knew that the way to stop Senji from brooding over the fact that his life was crap was to keep him busy, and that was exactly what he made sure he and Haru did. 

It was rather chaotic, even after half a year. There was a routine, some sort of rhythm, but it wasn't the same as the one Senji had had in work. This one was a mess of learning things, exhaustion, and more learning. Koji had made sure that Senji didn't have time to himself, because that's when _those_  thoughts appeared. 

It had happened once, back in the first month he was awake, a week before he learnt how to walk properly. 

He refused his food. 

Senji turned around, facing a wall in the dark. His shoulders shook as he cried, and bright scarlet tears inched their way out of his eyes and into his pale bandages, then rolling down his cheek and staining the white sheets red. Everyday, he slept until he couldn't anymore, and he felt terrible. Because he knew nothing. He didn't know what was happening, who was there, whether anything was real or not. It seemed like a world of lies in which he knew no one, nothing, not even the most basic of information. Senji cried out for someone in his sleep, the name inaudible amongst the bloody and painful sobs that he had become apathetic to. 

And other times, when he was awake, he was silent. 

He didn't know the difference between the real and the fake. 

This continued on for two days, two long days, and Koji didn't know what to do. He knew how to heal injuries, to treat illnesses, to work miracles, but this wasn't part of his training. 

But when Haru came home from an especially long fishing trip, when Senji was having one of his crying fits, he had opened the window, letting in a breeze of wind and the chirps of birds and the sound of whispering leaves. He kneeled on the bed, and let Senji trace his face, reassuring him that he was real and that Senji was safe. Koji had stood back.

Haru reassured Senji. 

That he was free to do what he wanted, once he got up. That even though he couldn't see things, colours, himself, they were all still there. 

The very next day, Senji wanted to start on learning how to walk. 

Three months had passed since that day. Even now, Senji could be rather sensitive from time to time. Though never shown when he was awake, Koji would hear a strangled and muffled sob from the other room, an inaudible name called into the pillow, and then a shifting of bedsheets before everything was silent again. 

And the next day, Senji would appear as if nothing had happened, a fresh pair of bandages around his eyes and a small smile on his face, hair swept out of the way in a short ponytail, ready for another day of learning how to work in the apothecary, paired with random lessons on random subjects in the evening.  

It was technically an apothecary, but Koji told him not to call it that because it sounded suspicious. 

But right now, at that moment in time - Senji had been sniffing the things in the 'pharmacy' all morning, feeling a little high, and trying to stay conscious while clutching his walking stick while sitting on the curb. 

It admittedly wasn't the safest thing in the world to let him sniff drugs to tell them apart, but Koji didn't see too much harm in it, and Senji was doing too well for anyone to complain.

He swore he was seeing things, which was funny  _because_  he couldn't see things. Senji giggled to himself, tapping his walking stick on the dusty ground. He was well aware that he wasn't entirely sane at that moment in time. Senji tugged the hair band out, his ponytail falling back into its usual ruffled and curly mess that fell over his bandages - the hair he kept when he wasn't behind the counter, smiling. 

And _that_ was the time this customer chose to talk to him. 

"...Hello? Are you the kid of the pharmacist, or something?"

Senji gave a start, turning his head to where he presumed the voice was coming from. The voice was raspy and deep, as if they had a slight husky whisper to it, and their words were spoken in a carefree way, slung around with his 'S's hissing on the end.

"... I guess you could say that." Senji said, deliberately choosing his words. "What do you need? He's out for a couple hours, I'm in charge."

There was a short pause, as if the man was debating as to whether he should tell this kid or not. 

"That's the thing, kid. We don't know. My... partner has this illness. He's sure it's terminal, but he needs something to delay it, at least. He's got things to do, see my point?" 

"I see." Senji nodded slowly and unironically.  

There was a snort of restrained laughter. "You think you can find it, kid? You seem to have a little issue with... seeing and all." 

"With all due respect, I've been sniffing various drugs for the past month. You name it, I've smelt it and been forced to learn everything about it, right down to its Latin name.  Come in, we'll talk about it when we take a seat."

Senji stood up a tad shakily, swaying on his legs and steadying himself with his walking stick. With a few taps, he felt out the outline of the stair and stepped into the shop, clicking his way to one of the stools and taking a seat behind the counter that he knew was crammed full of brass scales, customer records and multiple prescriptions in scribbly doctor's handwriting - some Koji's, some Senji's.  Either way, they were both pretty illegible writers. 

He gestured at where the other stool was, roughly, and there was a scrape as the customer sat down.

"So," Senji muttered, making sure the bandages around his eyes were tight and not blood stained as he rested his walking stick between his legs. "What are the symptoms? Would I be right in thinking that this situation is a little private?"

The man hesitated again, Senji could hear the silence in which he thought, and he took it as a 'yes' before the word even left the customer's lips. 

"...Yeah, it's probably private. My partner... has a habit of coughing up blood, and his arm is usually in a sling of his cloak, so that seems to be affected.  That's all it is right now, but he's worried that it'll develop into something else that he can't control - and he doesn't want to die just yet." 

"Is he a ninja?" Senji listened intently. This wasn't the first customer he had had, but it was an interesting one, to say the least. "If he's a ninja, it might be a chakra related issue, or a previous injury." 

"He is a ninja." Another pause. "Though there doesn't seem to be anything strange about the chakra itself, his chakra reserves do go down a lot faster than those of his usual caliber. And I'm fairly sure he's never sustained any serious injuries from his missions - if he's ever been injured before, anyway"

"Huh." Senji took it down in his mind. Ninja, coughing up blood. Possible blood vessel inflammation in the lungs, affected arm."How old is he?" 

"Around... fifteen, I guess. Maybe a little older, I'm not sure." 

Senji drew a blank, freezing in the taking of his mental notes.

"And you say he's your... partner...?" 

There was a wild sound of stuttering, a chair scraping back and arms waving in the air. 

"N-N-No! Holy shit kid, that's not what I meant. He's my working partner. Colleague would be a better word!"

"Ah. Right. Sorry, my misunderstanding." Senji swore under his breath. Did he insult the customer? Well, that was what he got for his assumptions."So are you looking for a long term solution? Or short term?"

"S-Short term, probably."

"Right." Senji stood up, his stick clicking agains the ground towards the shelves that lined the walls, covered in books, jars, bottles, flasks of mysterious looking things. Despite being blind, he walked with purpose and utter confidence in his own judgement, spine upright. Senji's fingers ran over the wood of the shelves as if he had done this tens and hundreds of times before, which he had in the past few months, and the customer noted the small dots that had been carved beneath the jars of medicine and other things. 

His hand glided over few dried rabbit's paws, pickled bones, unidentifiable objects, skimming its way down to a selection of dried herbs. 

Carefully leaning his walking stick against the shelf, he opened a jar with a click, sniffing the contents.

He grinned, baring his teeth, picking his stick up again and making his way back to the counter.

"First time lucky. It usually takes me a while to find this jar!" Senji smiled at the customer. "Right. I suspect that your, uh, colleague, has something that affects his blood vessels, makes them inflamed, by the sound of it. Shortness of breath, coughing up blood would means it's affecting the lungs. It would be more helpful if he came here himself, so Koji could check it out himself and give a proper diagnosis, but for now, you should try this."

Senji deftly poured an amount of the dried herb into a paper bag, neatly twisting the top sealed. 

"First trial is for free," He said, handing the bag to the man on the other side of the counter. "Boil it and drink it as a tea. It's going to taste horrible, so make sure you warn him before letting him drink it."

"What's in it? Why's there a free trial?"

"I'm not going to tell you,"Senji frowned, though the customer couldn't see as his expression was covered by a curtain of curly black hair. "These herbs can be found everywhere. We're only in business because you don't know. And people who need medicine tend to come back, whether they like it or not. A free trial is the least we can do. If they work and your colleague wants more, come back, ask for me if I'm not there."

"Alright, I'll go. Thanks, kid."

Senji stood there for a moment, satisfied with himself, before nearly slapping himself in the head as he stumbled around the counter, running to the door where the customer's footsteps had just left and swinging onto the door frame for support. 

"Hey, wait!" He called after the customer, who was no doubt already halfway down the road."What's your name? You'll need to give a name for more medicine!"

There was a pause in the air, with only the sound of the usual little village hubbub, and then a chuckle that sounded both foreign and familiar to his ears. 

"Juzo Biwa, kid. My name's Juzo Biwa."

*** * * ***

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> unedited
> 
> lmao 
> 
> bet y'all thought it was kisame 
> 
> siKE
> 
> ALRIGHT VO TE
> 
> COMMETN
> 
> JO OUT

**Author's Note:**

> Don't kill yourself, guys.  
> You're important. Really important. And strong. So amazingly strong.
> 
> If you tough it out, things will work out in the end.
> 
> (hope you all had your subtitles on for the song btw, the translation of the lyrics is pretty lit and fitting)
> 
> Jo   
> Out


End file.
